This is going to work for me...

Or I'm going to go home and end it all

That's what I told myself last October, when I got on the plane to go to the American Writers and Artists Institute (AWAI) Copywriting Bootcamp.

Prior to that trip, I'd been alone - and miserable - for so long, I wasn't ready to believe that I could make friends, or that I could find happiness. Thank God this trip provided both.

It wasn't easy, though. I had to push myself so freaking hard just to talk to another person in real life.

I cried so many tears behind closed doors (and a few right out in the open but I don't think too many people saw those, but the ones who did: you all saved my life).

I did not believe I had anything left to live for.

I thought copywriting was just a pipe dream... an excuse to get me out of bed and make me waste a year or two of my life "chasing" success, only to find out I don't have what it takes and I never will.

I had plans that if Bootcamp didn't go well for me... I was going to take my life.

Looking back, I don't know if I would have actually done it or not… but I know a poor Bootcamp experience would've made it more likely.

I almost didn't want Bootcamp to go in my favor, because then I would have proof that...

Well it doesn't matter, today, what I thought it would prove, because attending Bootcamp lit me up! It ignited a fire that drives me forward to this day!

And I think it's because when I got on that plane to Palm Beach, I knew I had nothing left to lose. My life had sunk as low as any one's life can... and then some. (And then some.)

I knew that for those four days, I had to leave everything on the battlefield. I had to play all out. I couldn't let fear get in my way.

Honestly, my life was on the line.

The amazing thing about knowing that you're going to quit if you don't get what you want... is that you have to give your all in order to prove to yourself, that either you can hack it... or you can't.

There was no time for half measures. No room for middle ground.

I had to pitch Rebecca Matter. I had to shake hands with every person who wanted to meet me. I had to make connections. I had to face every challenge.

I had to win or I was going to let myself die.

When you're that desperate, that hungry for change... you will do anything. You’ll push through barriers that normally would scare you to death. You’ll ignore your mental health, and sacrifice emotional stability and physical health to prove to yourself that you can achieve something...

That you can be good at something...

And that maybe it's worth sticking around, a little bit longer.

Everybody I met at Bootcamp - including Rebecca Matter (president of AWAI) - quickly became my best friend, my strongest supporter, and my greatest lifeline.

Overnight I went from being completely alone to having like, 300 new friends, who'd met me in person (I keep saying it's 300 but Rebecca recently said there were only 100 people at in-person Bootcamp but I like big numbers and it's my narrative so what the hell...) 😁

I'd pushed myself so hard though, just to show up, that I started to think the reason everyone liked me is because I push myself so hard... and ever since Bootcamp I've kept sacrificing my own health in order to amaze everyone else with how brave I am, and how quickly I can just make a decision or take action, and how blessed I must be to be having all these wins all the time...

But I feel like it’s all been a lie, though.

I wasn't winning, not the way I wanted to. I was getting further away from my own values... sacrificing my own integrity...

all because I needed everybody to love, me and I thought that was the only way.

People couldn't possibly love me just because I'm me. Could they?

And yet, last month when I stepped away from everything to take care of my own mental health... do you know who was the first person to congratulate me for putting myself first?

Rebecca Matter.

The person I thought I had to work so hard to impress, and to prove that I'm worth her time and effort, and the only way I ever knew how to do that was to show her how willing I am to throw myself under the bus to serve everybody else... basically told me, when I finally made the decision to prioritize my own mental health, that she's never been prouder.

And so, so many of my AWAI friends have told me the exact same thing: they don't even care if I'm "winning." They simply care about me. So much so, that it's shifted my entire approach to copywriting (if not to life in general).

It's not about what I hope to achieve tomorrow, that I want so much that I sacrifice all the good things I already have going for me today...

(Note: sometimes to get where you wanna go you do have to make sacrifices... but hopefully not the kind I was making, that always lead to burn out and overwhelm and panic and fear of losing everything.)

Instead, it’s become about finding peace and fulfillment. About serving others. About putting good out into the world - and being lucky enough to watch that good come back to you in spades.

It's about the choices and actions I can take today, so that tomorrow can take care of itself.

It's about the small and simple victories. And the struggles and challenges we face along the way.

It's about having a reason today to get out of bed, and to put in whatever effort I can... and then be satisfied at the end of the day that I've done my best.

I put everything I am into this "writing thing," and I feel like it's taken me forever but it's only been a year and a half... but I've finally found what I was really searching for:

Through it all, I found my better self. The one that does believe in happy endings. The one that is willing to fight for what I want. The one that must bring my friends with me, or else what's the point of even trying?

This “pipe dream” that, last October, prevented me from ending my life...

Today, gives me reason to want to keep living - and to struggle and fight and change, to find out, what is yet to be seen? What's next for Michael Glenn? What wonderful blessings can my future hold, when I'm willing to simply believe?

I know not everybody comes into their dreams from the same place I was in. And I know not everyone's story is this dramatic.

But, I mean, please... if this is what it can do for me.

Imagine, if you decide to play all out... holding nothing back... consequences be damned...

What can chasing your dreams do for you?

If I was you, I would think about that very seriously.

And I would write down whatever vision or dream or goal I have...

And what I want my life to look like, once I've achieved it...

And I would keep that vision alive at all costs.

Because I know: what you write down, and what you commit to, and what you give everything to... you will become.

And I want you to become your best.