Michael, I connected with you quite a while ago for a reason. You’re real, you’re honest and inside there is a person that reflects something many of us can resonate with. I trust my intuition and I trust my instincts. If no one has told you yet today, I’m proud of you and I know others feel the same.
Michael, you say you don't know where to start. You have already started.
The fear, maybe yours is worse than some, but we all have fear. Fear of something.
The fear of doing it wrong? But who gets to say its wrong or right? You do, only you.
I am confident you can do "this", whatever "this" is. Look at all the things you have done in the past, including Florida and your Texas adventure trip. They weren't wrong.
I used to have a supervisor at a job I had a while ago that when we were working overnight and it looked like it would never become morning, he would say to me "20 more minutes". We only had to make it 20 more minutes. Then 20 more. Maybe something like that would help you calm your panic and fear.
Or 1 more minute. Hang in there. It may not be easy but you got this.
As I reflect on the last few months, I think I really did learn everything I need in treatment, for where I am right now. It just surprised me that things still feel so overwhelming. But maybe I just feel things really intensely! My therapist thought so.
And maybe that's okay, too, and I just need to allow myself to BE an emotional person, who does feel good and bad things, more intensely than some others do. Maybe what's felt like a curse my life can actually be a blessing for me going forward.
I AM going to keep going forward. There is no alternative.
I forgot to tell you that there was an AWAI get together in Austin Tx back in Feb. Several of "our" group from the Florida event was there and we all were worried about you. You make an impression on people (all good, all very good) and we all missed you. Glad you are back.
Ooh I bet that was fun! I was still in treatment in February, which honestly I’m really thankful for. I still need a lot of help but for the first time in my adult life, I finally feel mentally stable. Hahaha it’s taking me a long time to get used to feeling this way! 😎
This resonates more than I expected. It’s that quiet shift where avoiding starts costing more than trying. Appreciate how honestly you put it. Glad to see you writing again… it helps.
Michael, I'm glad you're back. I've been hoping to see a post from you for a while now. I just have to say that your bravery is on display for all of us to see. Posting here takes courage. Seeking help takes courage. You've tackled both repeatedly because of your strength.
Hang in there, Michael. It's good to see you back. 8^)
Michael Glenn, SO good to have you BACK. Keep writing to us, please. And please, Get out, Get out, Get out of that apartment -- get active. Take walks, find a walking group, an outing group, get into nature? How about a cooking class to get you out of that door-dash habit and eating healthy? Lots of people out here care about you. And, you're a GREAT writer. -- Bobbi
I’ve started going back to church and next week I start outpatient therapy 3x a week! And I’m volunteering again at the Buddy Holly Hall — so I’m getting out more than I used to…
But still not as much as I want to.
It’s a big step in the right direction, though, so that’s something
It's very sad to hear that your problems continue... You are a very good person, and it's sad to have sad news.
On YouTube, there are real, good hypnosis doctors you can listen to their sessions 2-3 times a day, every day. It's not quick, months, but you need only a computer and headphones to do it.
Michael, I connected with you quite a while ago for a reason. You’re real, you’re honest and inside there is a person that reflects something many of us can resonate with. I trust my intuition and I trust my instincts. If no one has told you yet today, I’m proud of you and I know others feel the same.
Thanks Roger. That means a lot to me.
You're doing it right by telling all of us. This took a lot of courage and bravery.
I don't feel like the best version of myself when I'm inside my apartment all the time. I don't think anyone does. Do you enjoy taking walks?
Sending you hugs during this difficult time, Michael. You are worthy. Keep writing!
Thanks Mara! I almost decided to quit writing because I’ve been through so much in the last year, I didn’t know if I was up to sharing it all.
But I don’t think there’s enough information about mental health from the patient’s perspective! And I think I can do a lot to change that.
(And anyway, writing it all does help me make sense of it, too.)
I’m really glad it speaks to you!
Don't give up! I've always enjoyed your writing. You're honest, and you're refreshing.
Hello Michael,
I wanted to highly recommend a website to you that I believe you will find helpful and useful: Response/Rewire.com
It’s owned and operated by brilliant friend of mine, Jon Morse. He is highly credentialed and teaches at California State University.
You have nothing to lose by taking a look.
(Be careful. There is another website named “Response” It is NOT the same.
Keep up your courage and keep fighting for your good mental health. I’m a fan!
Thanks Nancy
Michael, you say you don't know where to start. You have already started.
The fear, maybe yours is worse than some, but we all have fear. Fear of something.
The fear of doing it wrong? But who gets to say its wrong or right? You do, only you.
I am confident you can do "this", whatever "this" is. Look at all the things you have done in the past, including Florida and your Texas adventure trip. They weren't wrong.
I used to have a supervisor at a job I had a while ago that when we were working overnight and it looked like it would never become morning, he would say to me "20 more minutes". We only had to make it 20 more minutes. Then 20 more. Maybe something like that would help you calm your panic and fear.
Or 1 more minute. Hang in there. It may not be easy but you got this.
Thanks Kim.
As I reflect on the last few months, I think I really did learn everything I need in treatment, for where I am right now. It just surprised me that things still feel so overwhelming. But maybe I just feel things really intensely! My therapist thought so.
And maybe that's okay, too, and I just need to allow myself to BE an emotional person, who does feel good and bad things, more intensely than some others do. Maybe what's felt like a curse my life can actually be a blessing for me going forward.
I AM going to keep going forward. There is no alternative.
I forgot to tell you that there was an AWAI get together in Austin Tx back in Feb. Several of "our" group from the Florida event was there and we all were worried about you. You make an impression on people (all good, all very good) and we all missed you. Glad you are back.
Ooh I bet that was fun! I was still in treatment in February, which honestly I’m really thankful for. I still need a lot of help but for the first time in my adult life, I finally feel mentally stable. Hahaha it’s taking me a long time to get used to feeling this way! 😎
This resonates more than I expected. It’s that quiet shift where avoiding starts costing more than trying. Appreciate how honestly you put it. Glad to see you writing again… it helps.
Thanks Paul. I’m really glad it spoke to you.
Michael, my friend -
Three things :
First - I missed you!!! And I am so glad you’re back. Woohooo!
Second, you forgot to put on your list of accomplishments that you met a Substack pal IRL! 🙃
(A year ago this month!)
Lastly, it seems, and I could be wrong, that you might be seeing things in two dimensions, black and white, good and bad, duality.
But life is sooo grey.
It’s not this or that.
It’s both, and.
Both
And
Simultaneously.
Our ability to simultaneously hold two opposing thoughts or feelings is the evidence of growth.
And healing.
Both of which you are doing. Well.
So you say,
“I’m doing it wrong and I’m doing it anyway.”
“I’m afraid and I’m going to walk outside.“
“I don’t know what I’m doing and I’m going to do something anyway.”
Both
And
While explaining to a friend how afraid I was to do something, she stopped me and said, “Shelley, take your shaky legs and do it anyway.”
Probably the best advice I’ve ever gotten. It has stuck with me for years and I say this to myself often.
And now I say it to you, my friend:
“Michael, take your shaky legs and do it anyway.”
Feel the fear, the uncertainty, the resistance, the judgment…AND
do, move, write, walk..
Maybe it might feel good to go of any heaviness or pressure to choose
To be this or that
And just be
Both
And maybe I’m completely off and you don’t feel this pressure to choose to be, do, or feel the right thing, action, or emotion.
In that case, I say kudos to you and please ignore me.
(Except for points one and two, above.)
Only a fool would ignore Shelley Bee 😁
You’re right; I go heavy into all or nothing thinking! If I don’t do something 100% right, then of course I’ve done it 100% wrong!
I’m aware of that thought pattern though. So maybe with time and effort, I can change.
I’m so glad we met IRL! I miss you my friend. 🥰
Michael, I'm glad you're back. I've been hoping to see a post from you for a while now. I just have to say that your bravery is on display for all of us to see. Posting here takes courage. Seeking help takes courage. You've tackled both repeatedly because of your strength.
Hang in there, Michael. It's good to see you back. 8^)
Thanks Terry! I appreciate you
Michael Glenn, SO good to have you BACK. Keep writing to us, please. And please, Get out, Get out, Get out of that apartment -- get active. Take walks, find a walking group, an outing group, get into nature? How about a cooking class to get you out of that door-dash habit and eating healthy? Lots of people out here care about you. And, you're a GREAT writer. -- Bobbi
Thanks Bobbi!
I’ve started going back to church and next week I start outpatient therapy 3x a week! And I’m volunteering again at the Buddy Holly Hall — so I’m getting out more than I used to…
But still not as much as I want to.
It’s a big step in the right direction, though, so that’s something
It's very sad to hear that your problems continue... You are a very good person, and it's sad to have sad news.
On YouTube, there are real, good hypnosis doctors you can listen to their sessions 2-3 times a day, every day. It's not quick, months, but you need only a computer and headphones to do it.
Thanks Liudmila 🙏