All my life,
There have been two different Michaels:
Happy Fun Michael,
and
What Is Wrong With Me Michael?
Happy Fun Michael sees life as something to be enjoyed, and experienced, and shared with people who he loves.
What Is Wrong With Me Michael believes he’s not allowed to enjoy life, or experience anything fun or happy — and he’s certainly not allowed to share life with anybody else. He messed up too many times for anybody to want to know him.
What Is Wrong With Me Michael sees every encounter as a threat. Life keeps hurting him, and he’s already been hurt enough.
Happy Fun Michael is lonely, though. He doesn’t like being alone. He doesn’t like What Is Wrong With Me Michael interfering with his efforts to participate in life.
Happy Fun Michael hates What Is Wrong With Me Michael and wants him to go away!
But Happy Fun Michael doesn’t know that when he says things like that, it makes What Is Wrong With Me Michael feel unwanted and unlovable.
And What Is Wrong With Me Michael isn’t trying to be the bad guy. He just wants someone to notice that he’s hurting, and afraid, and show him it’s okay to be hurting, and afraid. He’s been trying to tell Happy Fun Michael for decades!
And Happy Fun Michael doesn’t want to listen, because he doesn’t want to be poisoned by What Is Wrong With Me Michael and all the things What Is Wrong With Me Michael is carrying.
Both Michaels want the same thing though: they want someone to love them, accept them, and understand them.
Maybe what they need, is to realize they’re not each other’s enemies, and they’re just two sides of the same Michael.
And maybe what they really need…
Is each other.